Hi, all!
I was thinking tonight I'd come on here to post an apology to all still reading. Not only do I not post as often, but the forum isn't the same. I started this blog as an extension of my column, a place for me to keep ranting and raving. It's morphed into something else entirely and continues to do so. I don't exactly know if an apology is fitting, or a new name, or what. But it hasn't escaped my attention.
Due to the different people who read this, the tenuous connections to our papers and more, I can't always (more often can't ever) rant about what I'd like to - even here. I guess that's how it goes for most people, though. I've thought about creating other blogs, pen names and other things to skirt the issue, but the real issue is propriety I guess. It seems like a lot of work to only muddy the waters a bit more.
So here we are, and here I sit.
1. The moon this evening is fantastic, rather ironic since last night was the much-lauded Wolf Moon, biggest and brightest of the year. It was largely clouded over, however, so I had to settle for tonight's larger-than-life-while-near-the-horizon, day-after-the Wolf Moon. It's haunting.
2. It's Regan birthday week. 29 seems like kind of a bullshit year to me. I know it should seem fabulous, the last year of my 20s and all that jazz. But, to be honest, my 20s haven't been all that fabulous. I've always said 30 will be great, but as the milestone draws near I'm growing a bit dubious. I lofted to a friend the idea of just skipping 29 and going straight for the jugular and just deciding to turn 30 this year. It might make subsequent birthdays a bit weirder, but whatever. I'd only have a few days left to fret over it and then there it would be. Then again, it's insincere, and I'm all about sincerity.
3. To kick off birthday celebrations, I went to the circus with some friends on Saturday night. My parents always took my sister and me when we were kids and we went back when I was in high school and it was still great. I ate dinner beforehand with a few friends at Blue for Restaurant Week (hello, caramelized pineapple tres leches cake!). We headed over to the circus a bit late - just enough to miss the horses, zebras and dogs. The other circuses I've been too have been large - three rings. This was just a single ring of crazy randomness going on. It was lamer than usual. Garish, even. And the animals seemed horrifically sad. The elephants were lackluster and the tigers were pissy. It was depressing and oh-so sad - not only because the animals seemed genuinely unhappy but also because I hadn't attended expecting to feel that way. I'd never noticed before. Maybe it hadn't been small enough. I'm not sure. Regardless, that might be the last circus I ever attend. My poor kids. Below, engaged couple Kim and Pete show mixed reactions to the circus. Beyond them, Trish claps absentmindedly and looks away.
4. I hate that I've never really been able to successfully be friends with a long-term boyfriend long after the relationship dies. I understand why I haven't been able to, and for the most part I agree with how things have gone down. And in each of my personal cases, there are reasons - and good ones - why we're no longer on speaking terms. However, it'd be nice to still have those people in my life to still be able to call on a whim and say, "Hey! College boyfriend! I found this tea the other day, Good Earth spicy and sweet and it tastes precisely like that Eyptian spice tea you went crazy over when we were in college." Or "Dear ex-friend o' mine: I know I'm waaaay late to this one, but I recently heard the song "I'm Alive" with Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews Band at the end of a spin class. I felt certain it's a song you must love. It reminded me of you and the mixes you made me for my 21st birthday." But no. Such as our relationships are, I have to post the comments here. And that's all there is.
5. For months my friend Trish has talked about what she calls "2010 Trish," or who she will be/is in this new year of ours. It's pretty catchy. It also got me thinking that I've given precious little thought to "2010 Regan" and what she'll be like. I have some loose goals, but that's about all I've been able to muster. Everytime I have an interaction with someone new I think, "This is it! Time for 2010 Regan to make her move. You can do anything you want!!!" So far 2010 Regan is very, very tired. And in need of a massage.
Sorry for the numbered approach tonight. It felt fitting. I hope all of you are well and snug in your beds. Be careful on the roads in the morning. They're significantly better than yesterday but all the melting action has caused a fair amount of black ice on the roadways. As my mother and father like to say, "It's not you I'm worried about. It's everyone else!" All you need is one jerk on the roadway and you're toast.
Sleep well and may the waning Wolf Moon be with you. xo
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